More thoughts

So I really do need to change someone because I end up hurting people when I do things. That is not what I want to do. Things can also not be explained via blog. But how many more times can I mess up before my friends get sick of me? Or get sick of me talking about my weight? I dont want that. I think I need to tame my tongue a bit. Maybe thats why I have sm because I dont want to say anything stupid to anyone. I dont think I will ever grow up. I thought I did but now it seems different. I tend to mess up everything and stress everyone out. If I have done that I am sorry and I understand if you want to give up on me. I dont know if I sound believable but I am really sorry and mean it from the bottom of my heart.

Thoughts

Today I have been thinking a lot about my weight loss. Ever since I hit losing 140 lbs I have yet to get back to it in fact I went up. For one I think I got scared about being that small. People told me I looked good and said I didn't need to lose anymore. I was enjoying eating on the weekends. I enjoy having the freedom to pick up food and eat it. I am struggling emotionally I have all this stuff going through my head. I think another thing was I met with a friend and they kept saying I was a drama queen and now I live by it. So many people are like your a drama queen and it is not just that one person it is a lot of people. So people call me it so I live it. I have been stressed I would say since August or so. School has been tough. I didn't think it would be this tough. I had an issue with a person I am ultimately happy how it turned out but still inside I am depressed. I think if no one likes me as this tiny girl who cares. I am not thinking about myself because I grew up with people making fun of me. It is all so confusing right now my life. Guess I have to figure it out or I will ballon right back to what I used to weigh.