More thoughts

So I really do need to change someone because I end up hurting people when I do things. That is not what I want to do. Things can also not be explained via blog. But how many more times can I mess up before my friends get sick of me? Or get sick of me talking about my weight? I dont want that. I think I need to tame my tongue a bit. Maybe thats why I have sm because I dont want to say anything stupid to anyone. I dont think I will ever grow up. I thought I did but now it seems different. I tend to mess up everything and stress everyone out. If I have done that I am sorry and I understand if you want to give up on me. I dont know if I sound believable but I am really sorry and mean it from the bottom of my heart.

Thoughts

Today I have been thinking a lot about my weight loss. Ever since I hit losing 140 lbs I have yet to get back to it in fact I went up. For one I think I got scared about being that small. People told me I looked good and said I didn't need to lose anymore. I was enjoying eating on the weekends. I enjoy having the freedom to pick up food and eat it. I am struggling emotionally I have all this stuff going through my head. I think another thing was I met with a friend and they kept saying I was a drama queen and now I live by it. So many people are like your a drama queen and it is not just that one person it is a lot of people. So people call me it so I live it. I have been stressed I would say since August or so. School has been tough. I didn't think it would be this tough. I had an issue with a person I am ultimately happy how it turned out but still inside I am depressed. I think if no one likes me as this tiny girl who cares. I am not thinking about myself because I grew up with people making fun of me. It is all so confusing right now my life. Guess I have to figure it out or I will ballon right back to what I used to weigh.

Best Friends

So I haven't written a blog in awhile. School has been nuts but I have good grades...for now. Well my mom and I came for lunch today together and when we pull in my grandpas best friend is here Mr. Jesse. My grandpa has been a little sad lately because his lady friend hasn't wanted to go to lunch lately. But when we saw him he looked so happy. He doesn't see his best friend all the time. They have been through a lot together. The good time was when they were younger and their families would go on vacations together. Then as they got older their wives developed cancer and died one week a part from each other. These men are strong yet such best friends. Its cool to see old people act around each other especially when they are best friends. I see my bestie a lot and I sometimes mess up. Well I mess up a lot but I am so thankful to have such a great best friend. We have some weird conversations. We know a lot of people who get married and have kids and we always tend to talk about weddings and babies which we sometimes think we will never get our turn. I am so thankful for my friendship even though I can be a jerk sometimes. I know my friendship will stay like my grandpas but we will probably stay closer than my grandpa and his friend. Today showed me a lot on how I need to change and be a better friend.

:) Happy Friday...O wait I have tons of hw to do this weekend :(

Making decisions

In the last I would say about 6 months I have had to make some tough decisions. I love listening to Christian Podcasts lately they help me so much. I learned in one decision I made I did the right thing. I never knew if I did the right thing but listening to this Podcast I did. I prayed about it, I got some good counsel from Godly people. In the end it worked out and I am happy because before today I never knew if I did the right thing. I always thought what I did wasn't the right decision. :) God is pretty awesome!

How I feel right now.

Life is crazy now I have 2 weeks left in my first class in grad school towards my MBA. I have changed in the past month. My life has changed I feel funny inside like I have no passion to do anything. I pray about it and I want to feel better I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to be my old self. I have grown up though I feel like a new person but at the same time I want things to go back the way they were in so many situations. I know I am growing no matter what and it feels good sometimes to go through something hard because it just makes me stronger.

Going to church today made me think about things a little different it felt good going to church. The sermon was on truth and love and I think there are areas where I can show love to more people. I have been told some pretty tough truths from people lately and I need to take that and act in a better manner. I hurt I literally hurt sometimes from things that have happened. I don't know what to do. I am really praying about it. I know Jesus is there for me and the song by Starfield Rediscover You is really how I feel and I keep listening to it and it gives me some hope. Its not exactly how I feel but kinda close. I am not burned out on religion. Just everything has changed and I feel like an idiot.

Here are the lyrics.

I need to just admit
my faith is paper thin
I'm feeling so burned out
On religion

I say an empty prayer
I sing a tired song
I need to just admit that the passion's gone

And I want to get it back

You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You

I want to learn to pray
The way that David prayed
I want my soul to burn when I hear Your name
I want to feel like new
I want to hunger for you
Bring me back to life like only You can do
Cause I don't want to stay the same

You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You

Lord, I want to be Yours today
I want to know the passion of the saints
And how they were changed

You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move

I want to burn for You
Bring me back to life, Jesus
Help me rediscover You

So much has changed...

This summer so much has changed about myself and the way I act. I am in grad school now and I am growing strong in the Lord sometimes its hard with that but I know he is there for me. I have been trying to lean on Him in every situation. I feel like I needed to grow up and I did. I am still the fun loving girl who smiles all the time but I have grown up. I know what life is about and I know what I want in life. I want to help people I want to show the love of Jesus in everything I do. I did somethings I am so proud of myself for. I was strong and did somethings I thought I could never do.

This summer my dad went into the hospital with chest pains and it hurt to go see him. I thought I could handle it but I was a mess and I had awesome friends who helped me through it. Then for the past 2 weeks my grandpa isnt doing so swell. It hurts me inside to even think about it. He is my world. I knew one day he would get old and frail and thought I could handle it but I can't. it hurts too much and now I have been working a lot where I can't even go and see him. It really hurts seeing him even. His hugs are getting less stronger but I still feel his love in every hug we have. Why does he have to be so stubborn and not go to the doctor. Trying to be strong for my mom and the family. They don't know how much I hurt inside.

To Save a life

I rented the movie To Save A Life this morning. What a moving movie and I really loved it. They even talk about how people judge even in church. So many different elements they put together like when Jake starts going to church and his girlfriend and his friends have problems with him going to church. It talks about not excluding people and make sure everyone feels wanted and loved. This movie taught me a lot and it showed me about many different who I have met and everyone is different and it is important to save a life. It mainly talks about not forgetting about the people who no one care about and the people who are unpopular. Words can’t even express how I feel about this movie and how moving it was for me. I just finished it and I loved it!

Need to save this so I'm blogging it

When you move these roadblocks that you have put in front of yourself, then you will realize the person you were meant to be.

Not one that is built upon other people's beliefs, other people's wishes or commands of who you should be, and you become who YOU WERE MEANT TO BE!!

Be comfortable in your own skin first, and then you can shed the excess that you you have! LITERALLY!!

Boundless Challenge Final Essay

There are many events that happen in life that can be life changing. The Boundless Summer Challenge was something that changed me. From each week I felt like I was getting stronger and loved doing things that I didn't feel comfortable. I will explain some of the parts of the challenge that changed me.

The first week on relationships changed how I feel about relationships. I want to be pursed and I want God to lead me to that special person. I got a good refresher course on biblical dating. I feel like a lot of it I learned growing up but I didn't hear it in a long time. I learned that I need to guard my heart. There are so many things I learned and showed me what would be good to have in a guy. I want a guy who loves Jesus like me. I want someone who we can serve in the church together and do things for the Kingdom of God. Ultimately I want what God wants for me he is in control not me. To end this challenge I went to a wedding yesterday and the couple who got married is such an encouragement to me to wait on the Lord because he has that guy out there for me even if I have to wait.

The second week really got me out of my comfort zone. I told my brother I respected him and I really do. He has done so much he went to law school and found his now wife in law school. I respect how he treats her and how they love the Lord and so many other qualities. I also in this week had the ability to ask someone out to Starbucks and I did but it didn't work out. But we did talk and we hadn't talked in awhile. God put that girl on my heart and I did it. God can do amazing things and He really got me out of my comfort zone. I am a person who likes routines and doesn't like to try new things. But after this challenge I like to try new things and usually when I do it I love it!

Then we started to talk about the body the Christ. This made me appreciate my church family from the past and today. I have so many people in past churches I went to who impacted me and of course my church family means the world to me. During this challenge I saw it with my church family. I have people in my church if I ever needed anything they would be there in a second. I have so many men in my church who are like a father to me and I have women who when I need something or am struggling they will be there for me. I have many young married women who are mentoring me in the area of relationships.

This challenge was awesome teaching me to memorize bible verses and has brought me close to the Lord. I am a happier person and I don't really want the challenge to end. It is not about the ipad. This challenge was amazing and I don't care about winning. I care about my relationship with Christ and how it has expanded. During this challenge my pastor has had great sermons that go along sometimes with this. I have been trying to change things in my life that need to be changed for the better and I know I have family and friends who support me. I see myself improving everyday I can't thank Boundless enough for doing this challenge. These are just some of the things this challenge has done for me. I feel like I am leaving out so much.

Jodi and Rachel's wedding

This wedding today meant a lot for me. Jody and Rachel are such sweet people. I know Jody has waited awhile to find the girl of his dreams. They are both two people in the medical profession who are set in their ways but found love. They are so adorable and I really look up to them.

I looked at the groom when he saw his bride and he has the best expression.."O, wow" I have never seen a groom do that.

Today My bro and his wife have been married for a year!!! Time flies...

I need to stop drinking iced tea at night!

Goodnight! What a great day!

I got my mojo back

So I think I finally have my motivation back. I know I can do this no using negative words like "try" "working" I am reducing my weight loss. I have been going through some tough times in my life. It hasn't been easy. I turned to food like taking spoonfulls of icing when I couldn't control my sadness. I thought food would make it better.

But with this boundless challenge it has brought me closer to God and made me change some ways I think. I also have some awesome friends who are there for me through the thick and thin. I finally pulled out my food journal tonight and started writing my feelings and how I feel about eating. I am improving day by day. It is a process when you get into feelings so sad everyday. But all I can say is I am doing better. :)

Boundless Challenge Task 21

I tend to do this a lot when I am exercising and listening to christian music and now with the Bible on my itouch I will read and exercise at the same time. I love the time that I have with God and thinking about all the good things he has done in my life. When something bad happens I just need to think about all the awesome things He has done in my life. I have noticed when my focus is on God like this and I have a long period of time in prayer my day goes better and I am a happier person. :)

Boundless Challenge Task 20

Today I decided in celebrating I would make a cake. I don't really like celebrating with food but thats what people do. So I made a cake and I was happy making it since I knew the reason! I did have a really good workout today and I used that as my main celebration. I had a great cardio workout and I had a great weights workout. The Lord has done many great things in my life especially helping me lose 130 pounds it has really changed who I am. I think a great workout is a great celebration for me!

Boundless Challenge Task 19

I really loved this challenge because it is important to have someone to keep you accountable in areas of your life that you need. This process was great and something I was ready to do in my life. I feel a lot better and excited to see how it is going to help me for the better.

So right now my best friend is hurting. I don't know what to do but pray about. When we were at the gym I saw her hurting it is breaking my heart. I am trying to handle this in the best way possible. I even know she is going to read this and I just want her to know I am here if she needs me. I am praying for her because thats all I can do. I am always there for my friends and I will do anything to help them. Please know I am here for you!! Love you bffl :)

Boundless Challenge Task 18

This passage to me means that being apart of the body of Christ we need to act a certain way. We need to show our love and kindness through our actions. We will come across people who will not always agree with what we say or what we believe in but we need be strong.

Boundless Challenge Task 17

I can not fast because of a diet I am following. But I can fast from a certain food. My pastor recently did a fast for 40 days and he still ate soups and certain things. His daughter who is little gave up bread for 40 days. There are many different ways to fast. I don't have anything wrong with fasting. I think it is a time for prayer and speaking to God. My mom explained it to me as a child by saying you should be praying so much that you don't think about eating. I think if I gave up food or something else and worked on my prayer life it would be good for me to get closer to God and pray about things in my life I am struggling with.

Boundless Challenge Task 16

Looking at those kids faces was heartbreaking. God loves them and they were brought into this world for a reason. I know there are many people in my church who have adopted children. I would be very open to adoption one day in the future. There are so many kids who need homes and I would love to take all of them but I would definitely consider adoption. Like one of my teachers used to say adoption is an option.

Boundless Challenge Task 15

I just recently just graduated from with my bachelors degree in May. When I went to college I went to a local private university and still lived at home. I will tell you college is different you have professors who are liberal and will curse up a storm in class and talk about things I did not want to hear. It was something I wasn't used to. I feel blessed because I had my family and church family around me all the time. I had people around me who were building me up. In speech class though we had to do speeches on an issue and I chose abortion and how I did not agree with it. Also many other times in my composition class I could write about how I felt on the issues. I was happy I was able to take my stand. Being in a private school we had small class sizes and I got to know my professors and when we had discussions I was able to share my views. In college I see how it can be hard to be strong in the Lord because a lot of people leave home and have this new freedom without there parents they never had. I think if someone can find a good bible club to be in like Intervarsity, BCM, Campus Crusaders, or any other group they will find the right people to hang out with. They will also bring them up in hard times and maybe even find some older students who can mentor them throughout college.

Boundless Challenge Task 14

We should be concerned about pre born life because

1. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. When you think about life and how a baby is formed it is just a miracle.

2. Abortion is not only physically going against the body but it can have emotional scars too.

3. Even though someone might not want the baby they are having there is someone out there who does.

4. Every baby is special and has a purpose in this life no matter if it comes out a healthy baby or has some health problems. You never know what the kid is going to grow up to be.

5. Psalm 139:13 explains a lot and how God knows us before we are born.

6. When you look at the 10 commandments it says Do not murder and stopping pre-born life is murdering.

Boundless Challenge Task 13

I think the verses in Romans are telling us to be different and show people that we are different. We need to live for God and not with the world.

I read John Pipers sermon and I got out of this sermon on who I need to live for. I need to live for God and be different. I want to be a kind person and show people the love of Jesus through me.

The boundless challenge so far

Since at the end of the challenge we have to write an essay I thought I would gather my thoughts from the last two week and say how it has changed me.

The first week was on relationships and when I started I was shocked the first articles were on biblical dating. It was stuff I had heard my whole life from many different people and it was nice to have a refresher course on it now with me being older. I loved how they talked about the guy being the pursuer and I really want that one day. I want it to be based on biblical ideas. I also enjoyed asking my friend what I could change about myself. She is now more open to tell me if something is wrong helping me to become a better person and in area that I could use improvement. Having to tell my brother I respected him was very special too thats the first task that got me out of my comfort zone because I am not used to telling him stuff like that.

The next week was on community another great topic and got me out of my comfort zone. The hard thing was finding a person to take out to Starbucks and having the courage to do it. I am a strong person I have gone through some tough things in my life. I thought to myself I can do this and the Lord was putting this girl on my heart to ask so I did. Turned out she couldn't do it but we are going to do it another day and we did have a good facebook conversation. Since we talked about mentors I have been thinking ever since they gave that challenge who my mentors are. At first I had a small list then as I got thinking I kept adding people to my list. Right now I have a little group of mentors. But I have had many throughout the years but some people move away and issues like that. I love doing kind things for people so that one wasn't hard. When someone is sad I love to surprise them with something they like and it usually cheers them up.

This part needs its own paragraph. We talked about church family a lot this week. I am so thankful for my church family they mean the world to me. We are very close and we accept anyone into our family its not like a clique. We have wide open arms for visitors. I was looking around today at church and I saw love in my church family all around today. In sunday school we have a good time and I enjoy being in there even though sometimes I am the only girl. During Sunday school I saw a lady crying and the pastors wife was talking to her. At the end of them talking they were praying with each other. I saw little kids having fun and playing a game after church. We have kids who are in the word together and have bible verses memorized. I just look around and I see the love of God pouring out of people there. I couldn't ask for a better church family. If I ever needed anything when I was home alone for two weeks anyone would have come. Speaking of church we had a God sighting this week with our building we needed a big lift to trim trees we are moving and the pastor went and talked to the manager who turned out to be a christian and is giving us the lift for free for a week. How amazing! God does provide.

This is really long and I might import my notes from today's sermon because it made me feel better after this morning since I was feeling a little down. Its funny how God gives you answer when you need it. :) I love my family for bringing me up in a christian home don't know where I would be with out it!

Thoughts

So I had to wake up at like 6:40 today because my grandpa is out of town and we had to go feed the dogs and cats. I woke up worried, confused, and a lot more feelings. I hate having these feelings. It has been happening a lot. But I was listen to my playlist and it was making me feel better. Then I remember a verse that someone had posted on facebook this past week that made me feel a little better. Psalm 27:14. There are so many more thoughts in my head how I am feeling but I gotta go get ready for church. I feel a little better now though I know everything will be ok.

Boundless Challenge Task 12

These articles and challenges have made me love my church family more than ever. I really believe that my church family is close. We have been through ups and downs as a church together. Many people have come and many people have moved away. When someone joins the church Pastor always says we want you to be a better person because your here and we want to be a better church because you are here. For the task I decided to send a card to my sunday school teacher. He is such a great teacher and I wanted to tell him how much I appreciated him coming to teach the college and career class. I think he deserves some recognition. I may even send out some other thank you notes to some other people too.

Boundless Challenge Task 11

For this challenge I asked a girl who has had a rough life and we have went to school since elementary school. It took me a few hours to actually take the courage to ask her to hang out. I felt God leading me the whole time and it was an awesome experience just asking her to hang out. But because of this tropical storm weather in South Florida today she can't hang out. But we plan on doing it another day. But it might work out later you never know. I'll be praying about it. But just in asking someone who you normally don't hang out with is something out of comfort zone and it shows me I can do things out of my comfort zone to show the love of Jesus!

Boundless Challenge Task 10

In my life I have come across many people in my life who have become my mentor. One older lady at my church asked if she could take me out and talk to me one day when I was younger. I have other people who are older than me who are also my mentors. Since I have a mentor for this challenge I am supposed to write down things that I can do for younger people and one day be their mentor. I think I can teach younger people things that I have gone through in life. I would love to help people be healthy and learn about weight loss. I love to always tell people how to lose weight the healthy way.

From this challenge I learned I love the mentors I have in my life and I wouldn't be who I am today without them. They have helped me in some tough times and have been with me during some really good times. Writing down the things that I could help benefit another person made me realize that I have a lot I can teach someone. I would love to find someone younger than me to mentor. It is something that one day I look forward to doing and that video really helped in how to find a mentor and showed that I am capable of doing it!

Boundless Challenge Task 9

I love doing acts of kindness for people. But today I was thinking what I could do and I was on the phone with my friend and she needed some socks so I offered so she wouldn't have to go after work to get her socks. I also made it more known to be kind at work today to the customers. its not like I am not kind to them but I went out of my way to help them all that I could today! It felt really good. I really enjoy making desserts as surprises for people or surprising my friends with a note in the mail and it makes them smile too :)

Boundless Challenge Task 8

I love this verses because they show me that everyone has different gifts and if they work together with their gifts a lot of good things can be accomplished. I know there are people who I know where I might come up with one thing but then someone else will help and they come up with an idea that can make mine even better.

Boundless Challenge Task 7

I talked to my granddad about this since he is very wise and I love talking to him. He told me stories of one of his girlfriends but she didn't want to date him after she figured out her name was Dina and his last name was Soar so if she married him she would be Dina Soar(say it out loud and you get it). But my grandfather met my grandmother through his sister. His sister and my grandmother were best friends. But she wasn't welcomed in the family very easily because of her family background. But eventually all the families got along. My granddad just tells me with relationship to wait and God has the right guy for me. Even some older ladies have always told me that God has that special guy for me. I loved the sermon by John Piper. My church family is very close and reminded me a lot about them and how much I love my church family!

Yes I am writing again

Lately I have had mixed emotions about different issues going in my life I have had no motivation to watch what I eat or even work on my homework. I don't know what has been wrong with me. I haven't been sleeping at night as well I need to. But I just turned on the the After's song Light Up the Sky and it showed me that God is with me. Pastor Schweitzer's sermon two weeks ago talked about hoping in times when things aren't going the way you want them too. I need to focus on that a little more people go through times of trouble and I just need to have some hope. Sometimes I wonder where that girl went who lost 140 lbs. She went missing because for the last year I haven't been able to lose weight. But if I actually tried and counted my points and prayed about it I would most likely be at goal. Haha and the song that came on now is We Won't Give Up- The After's Yes I bought the EP and love it!! My motivation is in me and I am slowly finding it. I am working on my homework as we speak and even wrote a cover letter for a job today! Slowly I am going back to normal just got to keep swimming and praying about it. I wish my grandmother was here sometimes I just need her but when problems arise I think about what she would tell me. Since she died I have grown up and her gone still hurts. But luckily I have my heavenly Father who can get me through this. haha and the thrid song on the EP has to deal with what I am feeling. God is really speaking to me today and I absolutely love it! I'll be writing another blog later with my boundless entry.

CBN

As I am working on homework I am watching the 700 club. Since our church is in our time of giving for gospel growth. I heard a story on CBN of a guy who lost his job but when he started following God's commandments his old job called him back. He was out of work for 3 years after he was faithful by giving. Tithing is very important and I know that I have committed to do it on my commitment card. God is so good to people who follow his commandments. I loved hearing that story of that man and know that God is faithful in everything He does for us. They ended with this verse Malachi 3:10

Boundless Task 6

Task 6!!! Hmm so I am not going to publish on my blog of the people who I am interested in because the whole world doesn't need to know I will write it down. But right not I am just interested in one person and praying about it.

Some qualities I want in a future husband:

1. Must be a Christian and wants to live for God.

2. A person who will be my best friend and we will be able to do everything together including being in the word every day.

3. Someone who can provide for me.

4. Able to have fun and laugh all the time.

5. A family person and wants to have children.

Well I am kinda running out of qualities because I want someone who wants to live their life for the glory of God. It isnt about us its about God and what he has done for us. Its not about what the person looks like on the outside it is what is on the inside. This reminded me of Ephesians 5:22-33 Thats what I want my future husband to be I want it to be like that. I could probably come up with a lot of more qualities but there is nothing more important than my future husband having a relationship with the Lord and wanting to live for God.

Well I'm not too sure if this is too jumbled but I think what I wrote on the boundless site is better written and I will copy and paste is here :

I put my list of qualities in my blog but as I was writing them I was running out of qualities to put. I want a man who is Godly and loves the Lord with his whole heart and soul. To me that is the most important quality I want them to have. I think when a person is living for God all those other qualities like honesty, provider, a person who prays and reads their bible, etc will all follow. I want someone who I can also have fun with and we can be in the Word everyday. I do not go by looks on the outside I go by the person on the inside. I know God has the guy of my dreams out there and maybe its someone I know and maybe its not but time will tell :)

Boundless Challenge Task 5

This challenge was interesting because I talk to my closest friend everyday. But I never ask her if there is anything I can change. I asked her and it took a minute for her to answer. She told me not to be so hard on myself all the time. When something happens I always feel bad. That was the only thing she could tell me to be a better friend. I am going to be working on this! These challenges are getting me out of my comfort zone and I am enjoying it!

Boundless task 4

I am loving these challenges everyday I do them! For the Respect part of the challenge it was very out of my comfort zone. I decided to chose my brother because I really do respect him. Watching his relationship with his now wife when it was going on was encouraging and showed me about biblical dating and what I need to look for in a guy. I also respect him for the job he chose when he could have done something bigger and made more money but he chose something because he loved it. :)

Trip to Jacksonville

This weekend I flew up to Jacksonville. It was a great time with the family. Its so weird with my cousins being older because now we can have conversations about boys and more interesting things going on in our lives. We can talk about college and driving. Before we just played and never got to talk. I am enjoying watching my cousins grow up and seeing the Godly people they are becoming. They have great parents who love them and are showing them the right way. I am so proud of them and the young adults they are becoming! Can't wait to watch the little one Kimberly grow up!

Four years ago my grandmother passed away. Each year it seems like she moves farther and farther away and I forget who she is. But I think I have become more her inside of me. When something happens I just think what she would tell me. She meant a lot to me and it was sad to see her go. Being there when she died scared me freaked me out even though I was in the other room. Since she died soooo much in my life has changed I have grown up. I lost weight which is something she always wanted to do. I graduated college and she would have been so proud to see me walk across that stage. There is sooo many little things I have done that she would have been so proud of me. People must think I am crazy always talking about her but I dont deal with change well and losing her made me have to embrace change.

Luckily I WILL see her again because of God's grace. She is in heaven right now with no cancer and with her Jesus. All you have to do is admit, believe and confess and accept Jesus and you can be in heaven to. I am so happy to have grown up with my family teaching about Jesus. Jesus is my life, my decision I make, and sooo much more. I trust in Him with my life and with my career, friendships, relationships, anything. It is such an amazing love and trust I have!! :)

Fathers Day

Today was an awesome Fathers day! I am so thankful for my granddad, my dad, and ofcourse my heavenly Father. My dad is just a ball of fun and laughter and we have an interesting relationship. My granddad is my rock I love him sooo much and have enjoyed getting to know him and hear his stories. He is full of soooo much wisdom. Also to my pop pop who has passed he left us too soon I miss so much but he is in a better place and was awesome while he was here. All the dads in my life have raised me teaching me Gods word and it is something I will cherish forever. I love them all sooo much! Pastor did an awesome sermon today I will type up my notes one day.

But I was thinking some people are not that lucky to know their father or their father has passed. I was thinking I have a good group of men at my church who are like a father to me. Doug is amazing and is my dads best friend. If I were to ever need anything I could go to Doug. He loves me for who I am and we love to have fun when our families are together. There are also a lot of dads who I look up to and have qualities that I love. I see the way these men treat their children. I see God's love in all of them and following Gods word with their children. I love my church family and all the amazing families.

Happy Fathers Day!!

I can do this

I listened to Tony Robbins thing on emotional eating and emotional eating doesnt have to be eating about anger or sadness it can be anything. Usually on weigh in night I get really hungry and eat and eat and eat. But tonight I tried to control it with deep breathing and and the quantity qualifier and it worked but not totally. I had ate my dinner I actually enjoyed my icecream bar for once without scarfing it down. Drinking my sparking water which is pretty good and I get this urge for another icecream bar. I was practically pulling my hair out. I wanted that second icecream bar and not just to enjoy just for something to do. I mean I was already watching tv and doing hw but I couldnt get my mind off that bar. It got bad and eventually I gave in but that was the only thing. I did great at dinner so all in all I am improving. It hurts deep down it hurts and swallow the spraking strawberry water and I feel it go down and I feel odd I cant explain. These last lbs are going to be a struggle but right now I am going to get these 8 lbs I put on off. Then I will work on the next and the next. I am fighting right now am I hungry or not. I can do this it will work just gotta use my brain it is all in there just need to move it in the right direction. This is something i will be praying about! :)

Biggest Loser brings me to tears tonight

Biggest Loser went to Texas tonight and did a 5k with some people from the fattest 5 cities. The contestants were inpirations to those people. I reme,ber when I used to be like that. Now I feel like it has become such a challenge and I have hit a brick wall. I am the only person who can break through the brick wall.

I know what I have to do it is just a matter of me doing it. I know I just need to give it all to God and it will all be ok. I know that I need to give EVERYTHING to Him and it will all be ok. You never really think you can with weightloss but I need to. I have really been struggling. I tell my friends but they really dont understand. Sometimes I found myself crying out for help one day and I just prayed. But I say I am going to do it and I dont. When I find myself eating 2 icecreams bars and not one. I need to pray that my stomach will feel full and not go for that second portion. I dont want to have these feelings with food I am having. This is hard but I can overcome it if I try really hard. I am going to because I just cant take anymore of it.

Michael said tonight he has had a drive to lose weight ever since he lost 34 the first week. Well I lost my drive and I want it back.

Tuesday 10

1. Seeing the people on Biggest Loser going through touble knowing I can make it through.
2. Seeing people on the Biggest Loser meeting milestones.
3. I have been applying for jobs I know God will lead me to the right one.
4. Spending Saturday with my friends!!
5. My sister and the nice things she does for me and what I do for her.
6. The smiths teaching sunday school for a couple of weeks about marriage
7. Jody and Rachel are engaged!!!
8. My mom and all the little things she does for me.
9. Finally applied for graduation
10. I cant wait for saturday to surprise my parents!!

Interesting Story

The phone rings at 8:10 am this morning at work and I thought someone was calling out for the day so I picked it up and answered it. It was not someone calling otherwise I wouldn't have answered the phone because we don't open until 8:30. It turns out to be this customer who needed help placing her book order online. I was like oh no an annoying call bright and early in the morning because orders have to placed online and people don't like to try. But I was friendly like always and met someone who could use someone. I found out in the course of the call that she has MS. She used to teach dance to 300 kids and now she is confined to her house most of the day. She goes to class one day a week and when she gets home she has to be in bed because she is so tired from walking. She counts the steps from her house to her car because it hurts a lot. She is from Minnesota and doesn't have many friends here. She just wanted someone to talk to. She even invited me to lunch but I didn't know what to say. She wanted to find a group of friends and I told her church is the best place to find a group of people but she went on to tell me how she is a liberal ulitarian. I really wasn't talking to her that much she was telling me. It was the most interesting 45 minute call of my morning and I will be praying for her. In the end I did help her with her order and she was very happy!

Tuesday 10

1. Got to spend time with my family at the game on friday.
2. Studied with friends this weekend!
3. I got my cap and gown!
4. The book I am reading at the gym When God writes your life story
5. My new book You ona diet it is teaching me a lot about what food does in your intestines
6. midterms are over
7. I got a job oportunity I am going to be applying for.
8. Making people laugh when they are down.
9. I hurt my knee but i still can exercise
10. I got my annuals from home depot hopefully planting them today

:)

Yesterday was a great day. I went to church as usual which makes me happy. But I also go to share with someone gospel. They really don't know what is real or what to believe. This is the first time I had a conversation with someone where they didn't argue with me they listened and were very open to it. I explained it all that is a relationship between God and I and that He loves me. I did it the old school way I shared the ABC's that I learned in Bible School. Which is where I gave my heart to the Lord at the end of that day by myself in my seat. It was really awesome and I told my friend about it and they gave me a good verse and encouraged me and asked for the persons name so they can pray for them. This is the first time I have shared the gospel and not been nervous. Even when I talk to my closest friends about my faith and what I believe and try to share the gospel with them I get nervous and shakey. But God just let the words flow without being nervous. I almost forgot the bible verse is Galatians 6:9. You know my blog is pretty cool because if you scroll over the bible verse it tells you what it says :)

Pastor had a pretty cool sermon about after the ressurection we can't forget what happened after. How the disciples got together and how Jesus gave the great commission. Pretty awesome stuff and pastor made it so vivid that I could picture it in my head the way he was saying it. Like when the disciples were meeting in the upper room and Jesus comes through the wall shows himself when they are breaking bread. Then he asks for fish and pastor was saying that the disciples must have been like he just came through a wall can he eat fish and he did. I have my notes at home now since I am at school and I will have to type them up it was a good sermon.

My day was good though I studied for my midterm with my friends which I just took. God is sooo good though since I might have a job opportunity that I hope works out for me I really need a new job but I know God will provide. Everything is going soo fast, graduation, grad school is coming, who knows what else is going to happen but I know God is good and thats all I need to know. He will work it all out like my favorite Chasen song says...Be still and know I am God. :) Its gonna be a great week!!!

Easter 2010

Wow what a great Easter! It was one of the best Easter sermons in awhile. Pastor talked about hope and how most people talk about hope in a doubtful way and the way we use the word is important. The biblical definition he gave of hope is assurance, a certain expectation. Biblical hope is resting in a promise that God says something will happen and it will. If you look at John 3:16 that is a promise of something that will happen. Pastor put tons of verses that had to do with hope, I will put them at the end if you just put your curser over them it will show them :) A Christian has hope in what Christ has done and will come back one day. Titus 3:5 is based on what he has done and not about what we do in life. Some people tell other people nothing is certain in life and that is false because God is certain about eternal life. Faith is being sure what we hope for. Faith is all about Jesus and trusting him what he did on the cross. Some people say "I need hope now" but they need to think about eternity too. I didnt write down the verse but it says "Hope in me for eternity and you can have hope now." If you give it all now you have hope forever. 1 Peter 1:3 It was an awesome sermon and helped me think about me using the word hope and I need to look about and see how I use it.

Verses: Romans 8:24 Romans 12:12 Romans 15:13 Romans 15:4 1 Corinthians 13 1 Corinthians 3:12 Ephesians 3:12 Ephesians 1:12 Ephesians 1:18 1 Timothy 4:10

Other than that I had an awesome day with my family. I love my family so much. I mean holidays are a lot of fun. We even have 2 new additions, Alissa my sister in law and Kimberly who we got to skype with today! I am thankful for my family and that we laugh and joke around and we even had an Easter egg hunt which we havent done in years! It was fun which I said like 5 times :)

He is Risen!! Easter one of my favorite holidays sooo happy for what Jesus did for everyone reminds me of the song Up from the grave he arose...

Tuesday 10

1. I got to meet my new cousin Kimberly.
2. My dad bought me 2 new tires for my car I am very grateful.
3. Taking my grandpa on our trip. I know he wont be around forever so it was good to go on a trip with him.
4. I went for a walk today and I came home to my dad cleaning off the blue on my tires since they were new! I was sooo grateful and excited.
5. I started reading a Charles Stanley book that helped me a lot and made me realize a lot.
6. I had my own room this weekend.
7. I got to play all day with my cousins in the fresh air.
8. 5 more weeks of school!
9. It is Easter this weekend!!!
10. God is good ALL the time!

What I learned this weekend!

I learned a lot this weekend. It was the first time going on a trip with my grandpa without my aunts. It was a lot of fun though.

I learned not to speed on country roads late at night...we got pulled over but he let us go.
My grandpa brought books to put at his house and I was reading a Charles Stanley one but I left it up there but I got pretty far. It taught me a lot of what I needed to read. My grandpa brought his daily bread with him he is so strong in the word and I love it. We ha a great time with my cousins this weekend. Playing all day and I think I got a little too much fresh air. My uncle is a great dad again to his new little princess. She is adorable and he holds her and sleeps with her and it is adorable. He will even stay up till 4 am with her if she is crying. My dad is also a great father and we had a lot of fun this weekend. He may be a little silly and joke around but he always makes sure we are safe and that we have fun. It really was a great weekend with my family and taught me a lot which I will cherish for the rest of my life.

My favorite part of the trip is on the way home when I started talking to my grandpa about his trip to Cananda when he was 7. His family went from all the way from Miami to Niagra Falls in a Lincoln that seated 8 people but they squeezed 9 in there. The car would only go 50 mph which isn't very fast and they didn't have interstates back then. They didn't even stay in hotel they stayed in tourist homes. Basically you would knock on someones door and asked if you could sleep there for the night and pay them. They would also stop along the way too. They stopped in Washington, D.C. and other places. My grandpa didn't remember much but it was fun learning about it. My grandpa plays a big part in my life. We don't always say much to each other but he teaches me a lot.

I think thats all I wanted to say. I should have typed this blog the other night because I think I wanted to say more. The kids wore me out I am soo exhausted.

Tuesday 10

What am I thankful for this week?
1. I heard a song on Way FM this afternoon that I needed to hear and I have never heard before. The only stinky thing is I cant remember the band or the song. I hope I hear it again.
2. My mom and I the time we got to spend on Saturday morning together while the guys were on the mens retreat.
3. Pastors sermon on sunday about acting like a man(I will type about it soon, its what the mens retreat topic was on)
4. I talk about my family a lot but they mean a lot to me and we have been through a lot. I noticed when I meet new people I will always talk about them and I hope its not too much.
5. The Shack it is a really good book and very interesting.
6. Strawberries I am going tobe so sad when strawberry season is over.
7. The lady who gave me her business card in the post office today!!!
8. God is sooo good and everything always works out to the way He wants it!
9. My grandpa is coming with us this weekend. It should be fun!
10. I will be able to go outside and look at the stars I plan on taking my music and laying on the ground and looking at the sky. There is no light polution there but I hope there are no raccoons :)

I was listening to Way FM on my way to school and they really got me excited for Easter. They were talking about what Christ did on the cross and it is amazing pretty much when you think about it. It was a great start to my day!! I need to start looking for an Easter dress for Easter Sunday. That is a tradition I don't think I will ever give up. Almost time for class to start I am half asleep I hope I will wake up a little bit!

Tuesday 10 times 2

I know I forgot to write last week so I will try to do as many as I can.

1. My new chasen cd it is amazing I can't stop listening to it.
2. The song Slow Down on the cd it has really taught me that I need to slow down.
3. The free concert last night all the talking the bands did really was inspirational. Also the songs they sang meant a lot.
4. I can do the treadmil on a level 9 incline.
5. Going to the Sunday School teachers picnic and playing with couples kids they are all sooo cute and it is amazing watching them grow up in such Godly homes.
6. Going to the beach since I hadn't been in a really long time.
7. It is almost Resurrection Day one of my favorite holidays!
8. 8 more weeks of undergrad.
9. I met a lot of nice new people this week!
10. I have been praying about what God wants me to do with my life and it is helping me make my decisions like career and other decisions.
11. Being able to hang out with my sister on Sunday at the beach since she isn't home much.
12. God is faithful no matter what happens which has guided me through my whole life.
13. Someone at work today telling a customer how great of a worker I am.
14. Being able to walk later with daylight savings time.
15. Being on top of my hw for my new classes. I don't like to procrastinate.
16. We are going to see my new baby cousin soon!
17. It is almost baseball season!
18. The nice weather it has been lately.
19. I learned my lesson that I need to wear sunscreen no matter what the temp outside.
20. I have Chasen songs stuck in my head all day long :)

Tuesday 10

1. I was studying today and I started talking outloud the answers and I was so happy that I knew the answers!!
2. I am halfway done with school..almost graduation time!
3. The fun times my family has with the hodges they are really great christian friends.
4. I got to nap on saturday and it felt good I needed the rest.
5. I finished my term paper on Sunday which I was worried about but it all worked out.
6. I got to go eat lunch with my grandpa on Monday it was nice being with him. I have been busy with school and havent been able to go in awhile. Luckily I can go spring break!
7. At the end of March the Smiths are going to be coming into our Sunday school class to do a special study with us. I am very excited for that.
8. I love my mix on my mp3 player I workout to. I have the Afters, Skillet, Chasen, 10th Ave North it just motivates me so much to keep going and is positve motiation.
9. I did not eat that second icecream bar tonight! I usually have two but I did good!
10. With everyones busy schedules my family actually ate together two nights in a row. Usually my sister is busy! :)

It has been a great week and many things to be thankful for :)

Great day!!

What a great day at church it was!!

We continued through Genesis in Sunday School and I am really loving that study.

Then Pastor's sermon was on Gideon in Judges. It was awesome because right now I have some people who are really close to me who are hurting a lot right now and dont know what to do with their lives. I kinda thought mayve some of these thoughts would help. Pastor went to talk to a Pastor who meant a lot him when he was first starting NLBC Actually that man is my old Pastor from FBC Davie Cooper City. He now has Alzheimers but is doing pretty well. Well this is what he told Pastor Coleman: God does things better than we can. God will take care of things you cant take care of. Judges 7:22 which that goes with that because THE LORD did it not anyone else. The Pastor he went to talk to also said God didn't let me down. I have let him down.

Trust God. Be faithful let him fight the battle for you. I love the verse that is on the cover of the bulletin Luke 1:37. I hope this helps my friends who are going through battles or maybe one day when I go back and reread these blogs they will help me.

On another note when Pastor talked about the old pastor from my old church it flooded back soooo many memories. That church was so different. It was mainly older people but we had a fairly large youth group. I had so many people at FBC Davie Cooper City who helped raise me and teach me for who I am today. I have seen many babies born into that church and I have seen many old people pass away but it was a great experience. Bad things happened and we had to switch churches but I love my church now and I know God had a reason for it. I still miss a lot of those people from that church but its ok everything happens for a reason.

There is one thing that has been bugging me lately but I dont want to write it on here so please be praying for me :) Thanks sorry this is so long!

Wednesday 10

Well I will say it has been a total better week than last week.
1. I am dogsitting poochie till Monday which was a total surprise!!
2. The book I am reading at the gym it is definitly helping me and I will probably post a blog about it later.
3. God provided for me all weekend with my financial problems.
4. I am slowly getting all my homework done for finals.
5. I might be on tv.
6. I went to an event at school and learned a lot and I have people who are going to help me find a job.
7. I am going to see Mary Poppins in june 26 I think complimens of my daddy.
8. 10th Avenue Norths cd it is sooo good. Times is like my fave song ever when I am going through a tough time
9. Being with emma in nursery on sunday she is sooo sweet when she is by herself.
10. I preordered chasens new cd!!!!!!!!!

Mornings with Brant

So I am in the car listening to the radio while on my way to school and I hear this verse:

Ecclesiastes 5:10 that pretty much helped me out for the day. I have been so upset with what happened with the scam but it all worked out and I am alive. Haha reminds me of Jeremy Camp dancing in a circle at the concert to that. But yes I need to focus on God and thats it. It will all be ok. I know I am hurt and devasted but I have Jesus holding me every step of the way. I am getting better day by day. But I have never once have felt the physcial effects of stress and this past week I did. I was that stressed.

Everything will be ok. Like my grandmother used to say everything will get better before you get married. :)

Wednesday 10

1. My parents helping me through this very tough situation.
2. Randy's hugs when I needed him he held me while I cried then we went for a walk.
3. Tati and Wade helping me through this.
4. My mom and how she prayed with last night when I was scared.
5. I feel so down and dont know what to do but in my heart I know it will all be ok.
6. The nice players at Fan Fest


I cant think of anything more. I am soo scared right now and sooo stressed. I have never been so scared and cried so much. Please pray for me.

Wednesday 10

1. I am thankful for the sermon on Sunday and how it makes me thing to go out of my own way.

2. The book I wrote even though I dont know if it is any good.
3. I graduate in like 8 weeks!
4. I finished my papers just need to perfect them.

5. I wrote a book/journal
6. My playlist on my mp3 player it has the most uplifting music ever.
7. My grandpa has a lady friend and they go out!
8. My aunt is having her baby in one week!!
9. I got a good grade on my midterm
10. I went for a walk which I havent done forever and it relaxed me!

GOOYW

GOOYW? What is that? Pastor talked about it on Sunday it means Go out of your way. We are going through Romans and he talked about going out of your own way through Romans 12:10-21

Romans 12:10
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love...
The church is your family and make it known in your mind
...give preference to one another in honor...
go out of your way and tell someone why you respect them
Romans 12:11
not lagging behind in dilligence...
Find a ministry. Turn off the tv get up and do something
...fervent in spirit...
if you feel dull think of the cross. sing! spend time with someone who is fired up for the Lord.
...serving the Lord
How much time is spent serving the Lord?
Romans 12:12
rejoicing in hope...
Become focused on the hope you have in Christ.
...persevering in tribulation...
natural way=depressed. gooyw go to someone and ask someone to pray with you. memorize scripture when you go through stuff.
...be devoted to prayer
get a prayer partner. ake a list of things to pray for.
Romans 12:13
contributing to the needs of the saints...
help someone out. give them money. give a car(our youth pastor gave away his car when he needed a bigger car for when his twins were born when he could have sold it)
Romans 12:14
Bless those who persecute you ; bless and do not curse
someone who is mad at you buy them something
Romans 12:15
Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep
he went too fast and I missed this one. he told us we wouldnt get them all
Romans 12:16
hang with the lowly
Romans 12:18
If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men
Romans 12:17, 19
17 Never pay back evil for evil
19 Never take your own revenge leave room for the wrath of God. "Vengenance is mine I repay." says the Lord.

Start with the mind and move to action. Great sermon and I love typing my notes!!!

Wednesday 10

Sorry I am late.

1. My new playlist I have I listen to The Afters, 10th Ave North, Skillet, and NJATA all the time I love it. This has helped me be less stressed and know that God is there. I have been working out and it has been helping when the going gets tough.
2. I ran more than ever last night at one point I out ran my friend...a good song came on.
3. The people we met volunteering.
4. I did hw for 6 hours on saturday!!
5. My dad and the 20 dollars he gave me to get my nails done!
6. Even when the going gets tough I still smile.
7. I see Gods love more than ever right now.
8. My new food journal about my thoughts when I eat.
9. The new friend I made. I love making friends.
10. The sermon on sunday last week I loved it!! :)

Tuesday 10

1. The concert on friday and how I got to meet the band.
2. I have been pushing it at the gym. (even though my weight doesnt go down cause I fail and mess up)
3. I have been doing weights before cardio and I notice I am less tired doing cardio and I feel better.
4. The video we watched in sunday school about creation but some guy with the last name ham.
5. I finished my one paper in one day.
6. i graduate in about 4 months.
7. i will get a different cap and gown than my bro and sis it will be blue!!
8. Isaiah the little boy my bro and alissa watched he is adorable and my new little buddy.
9. Being with the kids again on sunday they brighten my day.
10. The song Hold Fast by 10th avenue north it means a lot

Wednesday 10

Yes I know I forgot
1. How in Sunday School we are going through Genesis verse by verse it is pretty amazing.
2. The new way we do prayer requests in sunday school.
3. My sunday school class praying for me this week
4. Sooooooooooooooooooo excited for Friday. I hope I get to meet Chasen so I can tell him thank you!
5. Week one of school is over and I have lots to do but I know I can do it.
6. 10th Avenue North's song Hold my heart its how I feel sometimes.
7. Caden at church his dad has a brain tumor and the little boy hold my heart he tries to take care of his dad. His dad has been through a lot but caden loves the Lord with all of his heart and he is only 4.
8. Isaiah! We had so much fun at the fair(My bro and sis in law are watching him for 9 days. I am going to make a great aunt one day except I wanted to buy Isaiah a trumpet to annoy them all week :)
9. I became a yellow star seller on ebay!! I sell my books on there
10. My parents went out a lot alone this weekend and I so happy they go out on dates its cute!

Tuesday 10

1. I need help. I am not doing good with what I am eating. I am messing up really bad. I realized that I need help. It is something I need to pray about it and I need people to pray for me. I think that is the only way it will all get better. This has got me so upset abotu how much I am messing up. But I am thankful that I need help and that I need to pray about it.
2. God provided for my books for school next I just need tuition paid for.
3. Only 5 more months of school well less really.
4. The nice dinner my bro and his wife made for us.
5. The motivation my professor gives me when I see him at the gym.
6. I got a problem taken care of this weekend that I would not like to write. You can ask if you want to know but I am beyond thankful!
7. My new shoes for keeping me warm at church on sunday when I wore a skirt with tights and leggings. Its cold and I am happy God provided for me to get those shoes.
8. What Biggest Loser taught me tonight about eating junk
9. My mom and the surprises she does for me!
10. I remembered my grandmas bday but she was enjoying it in heaven :)

Thursday 10

Well I know I kinda forgot and I feel bad.

1. I have been having really good workouts.
2. Even though I want it to be hot again I like the nice cold air at times.
3. I am making my tummy flatter :)
4. I signed up for DIsney give a day get a day. I get to help people.
5. 2010 is going to be a great year and started great too.
6. There is new skinny cow icecream!!
7. The talk me and my grandpa had when the cable was out the other day. I love him so much and its going to be sad when I get a fulltime job and cant see him. He is always there for me when I need him and has biblical backing to stuff.
8. Playing Sing it with my friends and just singing and dancing around the room.
9. I might not have to buy 4 of my books this semester.
10. I got a $159 dress for free what a blessing and its a size 12.