Memories

My granddad went out of town this weekend so we had to go feed the cats and the dogs. My mom was getting some of my grandmas old clothes to go to goodwill because they dont need to be sitting there. While my mom did that I went through my grandmas drawers. They smelt like old people like her old scent and it felt nice. I know that sounds weird but I miss her and its good memories.

As most of you know she died eventually of brain cancer and I was going through her bottom drawer and found old baby clothes. This is kinda sad. I guess she knew she was dying because she marked with a post it note and a pin holding it on saying whos clothes they were. But she wasnt with it. Instead of writing Cheryl and Paul she wrote Aunt Cheryls dress also work by stephanie and cherie. It was so cute and I remember seeing a pic with me in it. She knew she was dying and breaks my heart.

Lately I have been going through these feelings of I am forgetting what she looked like and how she used to sound. I dont want to. There are pictures but its not the same. I miss her hugs and her freckles and that old people smell that is fading on her stuff. I found her hair wraps that she wore when she lost her hair and all I can remember is her bald head with the port where they put the chemo into her brain. I dont want to be thinking those things. My grandpa is also getting old and cant move fast and its heartbreaking. I am a kid who spent lots of time with their grandparents they mean the world to me hearing their stories and sharing Gods love with me. I feel like I am forgetting it all.

Memories come back all the time but they get fainter and fainter. Be praying for me. Ugh I miss her so much and I know she wouldnt want me to be thinking like this. I want to sit in my bed and just cry but I cant the tears wont come. I guess thats a good thing.