A very nice older lady shes not that old from ym old church emailed me happy bday and it brought back soo many memories. We used to be penpals and write to each other even though we lived so close to each other. It was soooo much fun knowing I had a friend in this lady no matter what she was there for me. She was the WMU leader so she headed up GA's a program for girls where you learn about missions around the world. The days of GA sleepovers at Ann's house were soo much fun where we would talk about God and do our nails and go swimming. The days of not worrying about fights with friends because all you did was go to church events.
These days are really hard for me i really miss my grandma it will almost be 2 years and it has been the hardest 2 years of my life not having someone to hold me or tell me its gonna get better before i get married. I mean before I lost her she was basically in a coma but i still could still see her and see her lying there and touch her arm and smell her skin. somedays i think i dont wanna forget all the things she taught me and her smell and her look. I dont know if i should remember with her hair or without her hair. somedays i just need her badly especially now i just wanna talk to her and feel her. when my grandpa went on a trip and we had to go feed the dogs i just wanted to crawl up on her side of the bed and cry. i know shes better but now that its leading up to the 2 years it makes me miss her. I know I will see her again because of the saving grace of God but there is miss that happens. I try to be strong I try not to cry but tonight i just dont know. Being in churches I have lost some amazing women in my life who meant a lot to me like Angie and Annabelle. i had a proper goodbye with my grandma but i never went up to the casket but i knew she was gone because i was there when she left to live in heaven. But I was never a person to question God and say why because i know it was her time. But somedays I wanna go back to the days I was 5 and we would go get her haircut by danielle and go to the mall the days she used to cut my hotdogs up. Or on the way home from going somewhere in her grand marquis we would go to dairy queen and get a dipped cone before they even had blizzards.
i am not depressed just reminiscing. miss you and love you patrica ann soar hope you having a great time being with your daddy :)
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