the old days

A very nice older lady shes not that old from ym old church emailed me happy bday and it brought back soo many memories. We used to be penpals and write to each other even though we lived so close to each other. It was soooo much fun knowing I had a friend in this lady no matter what she was there for me. She was the WMU leader so she headed up GA's a program for girls where you learn about missions around the world. The days of GA sleepovers at Ann's house were soo much fun where we would talk about God and do our nails and go swimming. The days of not worrying about fights with friends because all you did was go to church events.

These days are really hard for me i really miss my grandma it will almost be 2 years and it has been the hardest 2 years of my life not having someone to hold me or tell me its gonna get better before i get married. I mean before I lost her she was basically in a coma but i still could still see her and see her lying there and touch her arm and smell her skin. somedays i think i dont wanna forget all the things she taught me and her smell and her look. I dont know if i should remember with her hair or without her hair. somedays i just need her badly especially now i just wanna talk to her and feel her. when my grandpa went on a trip and we had to go feed the dogs i just wanted to crawl up on her side of the bed and cry. i know shes better but now that its leading up to the 2 years it makes me miss her. I know I will see her again because of the saving grace of God but there is miss that happens. I try to be strong I try not to cry but tonight i just dont know. Being in churches I have lost some amazing women in my life who meant a lot to me like Angie and Annabelle. i had a proper goodbye with my grandma but i never went up to the casket but i knew she was gone because i was there when she left to live in heaven. But I was never a person to question God and say why because i know it was her time. But somedays I wanna go back to the days I was 5 and we would go get her haircut by danielle and go to the mall the days she used to cut my hotdogs up. Or on the way home from going somewhere in her grand marquis we would go to dairy queen and get a dipped cone before they even had blizzards.

i am not depressed just reminiscing. miss you and love you patrica ann soar hope you having a great time being with your daddy :)

tomorrow i will be 20

The weekend i usually go out so i didnt write anything. I had a great weekend with my bffls. friday i went to brio with tati and her parents because britni had a stomach virus :( but its ok we visited her on saturday :). saturday was fun i worked then hung out with tati'e fam for a bit. sunday i went to church then we went to fuddruckers then shopping with john and alissa. that was fun. I would say y bday weekend was a success but i still ruined it but i cant say why on here.

i am really not a bday person i am more of a giver than a person to likes to get stuff. ever since i lost my grandma i really dont want anything but i want her back but i know i cant have her back until i see her in heaven again.

thats all i feel like writing so goodnight who actually reads this?

another day

today was another usual day for me work. i work everyday luckily on saturday i only work till 1:45 compared to working at graduation and getting off really late.

the biggest news came today...JONAS IS COMING IN SEPTEMBER!!!! I love those pure christian boys their music is amazing.

what else to talk about? only 5 more days till the birthday! but dont mind the exclaimation point im not excited i just like exclaimation points!

my life is good and boring i lost .6 lbs this week that made my week amazing. i need to eat great this weekend so i can loose on my bday weekend.

what else to write about? i have no clue im tired. this is fun writing blogs it makes me feel good :)

its me :)

Hi people so its me. 6 more days till my bday. im not excited which i say everyday and i still think i ruined it. im not in the mood to capitalize so deal with it lol.

i went to ambers house tonight for dinner which was fun. i told her about some things i shouldnt have but o well lets hope rumors dont fly. we played ddr which i am horrible at sometimes and tonight was one of those times.

so i should have wrote this last night but i didnt. so im trying to drop this very negative non christian friend of mine but she keeps texting me. i absolutely hate it. her bf decided to show up at our house last ngiht looking for me with his ex con bro ther but my daddy saved me. i dont like his brother he does drugs and isnt a person i want to hang around or i should hang around. why do these people keep bugging me. o wait its not her bf not its her ex b/c they broke up. i just like hanging out with my friends with things in common and who deff love God. My bffls now love God and are amazing.

graduation needs to be over. i dont know if im gonna be able to go to dave and busters sat night now i have to figure it out because you have to be a certain age to get in past a certain time if we cant go we will just go to boomers and then maybe jacksons. but my plans are subject to change and they might not even happen.

time for bed well time to get off this

tired

Work is just getting crazy with graduation I am sick of it. People just keep calling and calling....

I am bummed and no one can fix it :(....

I cant wait till my birthday dinner with the bffls on friday and saturday I am doing nothing I dont think because my one bffl is going to the movies with someone else :(....

long story short i ruined my own bday

****I am not mad at my bffl she can go have fun with her neighbor and I will be fine. I am bummed about something else and me ruining my bday has nothing to do with her****

im soooo tired

I am soo pooped and im watching tv. Work from sunday totally burned me out I guess thats why your not supposed to work on sunday.

I love going to my grandpas house. I love just being there with him and eating lunch and taking naps on the couch. I just feel so relaxed there.

So my birthday is tomorrow it will be one week till my birthday. im not excited. i never get excited over my bday. i think this bday isnt gonna be as good as others but we will see.

well im gonna go watch tv the mole comes on tonight i need to stay awake for it!!!

my weekend

This weekend was pretty good. I got to hang out with my bffls and had fun! Friday I got to go see prince caspian finally and i loved it. Prince caspian is sooooooooo hott but edward is kinda hotter. Saturday I worked then went swimming and took my bffls neighbor kids to the salon that was fun I love little kids I hope im blessed with little kids one day. They are soo much fun since I love having fun all the time but I can eb serious at time. Today I went to sunday school but not church because I had to work because of the health professions division had orientation and they had no one to work so i had to do lab coats and ring people up.

This weekend I went through a little struggle of feeling stupid for things I say. I need to stop doing that. I always say something and then I want to take it back and try to explain myself to that person. But I decided to take those cares and give them to God so byt he next day I was feeling amazing and didnt need to feel as stupid anymore. The sermon last sunday was on worry and giving ti all to God. Unfortunately I got the worry triat from my grandma and mom. I tend to overthink and worry about everything. I am going to stop worrying about things.

I am soo bored its summer and I dont have much to do. Another issue im facing this summer is im missing my grandma a lot when I go through different feelings and things in my life it makes me miss her even more. She used to be my life my everything. I took care of her when she got her cancer till the day she died and i was there. My grandma was a great Godly woman and im trying to live through her because we are soo alike. I wish I had her because she isnt gonna be there for all the great moments in my life. I wish she could see me now and my weight loss she always wanted to me loose weight and now I have lost weight and have become sooo confident. I know she would be proud. I also have my grandpa which he is a big support to me but I still miss her.

all for now im done venting.