How I feel right now.

Life is crazy now I have 2 weeks left in my first class in grad school towards my MBA. I have changed in the past month. My life has changed I feel funny inside like I have no passion to do anything. I pray about it and I want to feel better I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to be my old self. I have grown up though I feel like a new person but at the same time I want things to go back the way they were in so many situations. I know I am growing no matter what and it feels good sometimes to go through something hard because it just makes me stronger.

Going to church today made me think about things a little different it felt good going to church. The sermon was on truth and love and I think there are areas where I can show love to more people. I have been told some pretty tough truths from people lately and I need to take that and act in a better manner. I hurt I literally hurt sometimes from things that have happened. I don't know what to do. I am really praying about it. I know Jesus is there for me and the song by Starfield Rediscover You is really how I feel and I keep listening to it and it gives me some hope. Its not exactly how I feel but kinda close. I am not burned out on religion. Just everything has changed and I feel like an idiot.

Here are the lyrics.

I need to just admit
my faith is paper thin
I'm feeling so burned out
On religion

I say an empty prayer
I sing a tired song
I need to just admit that the passion's gone

And I want to get it back

You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You

I want to learn to pray
The way that David prayed
I want my soul to burn when I hear Your name
I want to feel like new
I want to hunger for you
Bring me back to life like only You can do
Cause I don't want to stay the same

You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You

Lord, I want to be Yours today
I want to know the passion of the saints
And how they were changed

You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move

I want to burn for You
Bring me back to life, Jesus
Help me rediscover You

So much has changed...

This summer so much has changed about myself and the way I act. I am in grad school now and I am growing strong in the Lord sometimes its hard with that but I know he is there for me. I have been trying to lean on Him in every situation. I feel like I needed to grow up and I did. I am still the fun loving girl who smiles all the time but I have grown up. I know what life is about and I know what I want in life. I want to help people I want to show the love of Jesus in everything I do. I did somethings I am so proud of myself for. I was strong and did somethings I thought I could never do.

This summer my dad went into the hospital with chest pains and it hurt to go see him. I thought I could handle it but I was a mess and I had awesome friends who helped me through it. Then for the past 2 weeks my grandpa isnt doing so swell. It hurts me inside to even think about it. He is my world. I knew one day he would get old and frail and thought I could handle it but I can't. it hurts too much and now I have been working a lot where I can't even go and see him. It really hurts seeing him even. His hugs are getting less stronger but I still feel his love in every hug we have. Why does he have to be so stubborn and not go to the doctor. Trying to be strong for my mom and the family. They don't know how much I hurt inside.

To Save a life

I rented the movie To Save A Life this morning. What a moving movie and I really loved it. They even talk about how people judge even in church. So many different elements they put together like when Jake starts going to church and his girlfriend and his friends have problems with him going to church. It talks about not excluding people and make sure everyone feels wanted and loved. This movie taught me a lot and it showed me about many different who I have met and everyone is different and it is important to save a life. It mainly talks about not forgetting about the people who no one care about and the people who are unpopular. Words can’t even express how I feel about this movie and how moving it was for me. I just finished it and I loved it!

Need to save this so I'm blogging it

When you move these roadblocks that you have put in front of yourself, then you will realize the person you were meant to be.

Not one that is built upon other people's beliefs, other people's wishes or commands of who you should be, and you become who YOU WERE MEANT TO BE!!

Be comfortable in your own skin first, and then you can shed the excess that you you have! LITERALLY!!

Boundless Challenge Final Essay

There are many events that happen in life that can be life changing. The Boundless Summer Challenge was something that changed me. From each week I felt like I was getting stronger and loved doing things that I didn't feel comfortable. I will explain some of the parts of the challenge that changed me.

The first week on relationships changed how I feel about relationships. I want to be pursed and I want God to lead me to that special person. I got a good refresher course on biblical dating. I feel like a lot of it I learned growing up but I didn't hear it in a long time. I learned that I need to guard my heart. There are so many things I learned and showed me what would be good to have in a guy. I want a guy who loves Jesus like me. I want someone who we can serve in the church together and do things for the Kingdom of God. Ultimately I want what God wants for me he is in control not me. To end this challenge I went to a wedding yesterday and the couple who got married is such an encouragement to me to wait on the Lord because he has that guy out there for me even if I have to wait.

The second week really got me out of my comfort zone. I told my brother I respected him and I really do. He has done so much he went to law school and found his now wife in law school. I respect how he treats her and how they love the Lord and so many other qualities. I also in this week had the ability to ask someone out to Starbucks and I did but it didn't work out. But we did talk and we hadn't talked in awhile. God put that girl on my heart and I did it. God can do amazing things and He really got me out of my comfort zone. I am a person who likes routines and doesn't like to try new things. But after this challenge I like to try new things and usually when I do it I love it!

Then we started to talk about the body the Christ. This made me appreciate my church family from the past and today. I have so many people in past churches I went to who impacted me and of course my church family means the world to me. During this challenge I saw it with my church family. I have people in my church if I ever needed anything they would be there in a second. I have so many men in my church who are like a father to me and I have women who when I need something or am struggling they will be there for me. I have many young married women who are mentoring me in the area of relationships.

This challenge was awesome teaching me to memorize bible verses and has brought me close to the Lord. I am a happier person and I don't really want the challenge to end. It is not about the ipad. This challenge was amazing and I don't care about winning. I care about my relationship with Christ and how it has expanded. During this challenge my pastor has had great sermons that go along sometimes with this. I have been trying to change things in my life that need to be changed for the better and I know I have family and friends who support me. I see myself improving everyday I can't thank Boundless enough for doing this challenge. These are just some of the things this challenge has done for me. I feel like I am leaving out so much.

Jodi and Rachel's wedding

This wedding today meant a lot for me. Jody and Rachel are such sweet people. I know Jody has waited awhile to find the girl of his dreams. They are both two people in the medical profession who are set in their ways but found love. They are so adorable and I really look up to them.

I looked at the groom when he saw his bride and he has the best expression.."O, wow" I have never seen a groom do that.

Today My bro and his wife have been married for a year!!! Time flies...

I need to stop drinking iced tea at night!

Goodnight! What a great day!

I got my mojo back

So I think I finally have my motivation back. I know I can do this no using negative words like "try" "working" I am reducing my weight loss. I have been going through some tough times in my life. It hasn't been easy. I turned to food like taking spoonfulls of icing when I couldn't control my sadness. I thought food would make it better.

But with this boundless challenge it has brought me closer to God and made me change some ways I think. I also have some awesome friends who are there for me through the thick and thin. I finally pulled out my food journal tonight and started writing my feelings and how I feel about eating. I am improving day by day. It is a process when you get into feelings so sad everyday. But all I can say is I am doing better. :)