Four years ago my grandmother passed away. Each year it seems like she moves farther and farther away and I forget who she is. But I think I have become more her inside of me. When something happens I just think what she would tell me. She meant a lot to me and it was sad to see her go. Being there when she died scared me freaked me out even though I was in the other room. Since she died soooo much in my life has changed I have grown up. I lost weight which is something she always wanted to do. I graduated college and she would have been so proud to see me walk across that stage. There is sooo many little things I have done that she would have been so proud of me. People must think I am crazy always talking about her but I dont deal with change well and losing her made me have to embrace change.

Luckily I WILL see her again because of God's grace. She is in heaven right now with no cancer and with her Jesus. All you have to do is admit, believe and confess and accept Jesus and you can be in heaven to. I am so happy to have grown up with my family teaching about Jesus. Jesus is my life, my decision I make, and sooo much more. I trust in Him with my life and with my career, friendships, relationships, anything. It is such an amazing love and trust I have!! :)

Fathers Day

Today was an awesome Fathers day! I am so thankful for my granddad, my dad, and ofcourse my heavenly Father. My dad is just a ball of fun and laughter and we have an interesting relationship. My granddad is my rock I love him sooo much and have enjoyed getting to know him and hear his stories. He is full of soooo much wisdom. Also to my pop pop who has passed he left us too soon I miss so much but he is in a better place and was awesome while he was here. All the dads in my life have raised me teaching me Gods word and it is something I will cherish forever. I love them all sooo much! Pastor did an awesome sermon today I will type up my notes one day.

But I was thinking some people are not that lucky to know their father or their father has passed. I was thinking I have a good group of men at my church who are like a father to me. Doug is amazing and is my dads best friend. If I were to ever need anything I could go to Doug. He loves me for who I am and we love to have fun when our families are together. There are also a lot of dads who I look up to and have qualities that I love. I see the way these men treat their children. I see God's love in all of them and following Gods word with their children. I love my church family and all the amazing families.

Happy Fathers Day!!

I can do this

I listened to Tony Robbins thing on emotional eating and emotional eating doesnt have to be eating about anger or sadness it can be anything. Usually on weigh in night I get really hungry and eat and eat and eat. But tonight I tried to control it with deep breathing and and the quantity qualifier and it worked but not totally. I had ate my dinner I actually enjoyed my icecream bar for once without scarfing it down. Drinking my sparking water which is pretty good and I get this urge for another icecream bar. I was practically pulling my hair out. I wanted that second icecream bar and not just to enjoy just for something to do. I mean I was already watching tv and doing hw but I couldnt get my mind off that bar. It got bad and eventually I gave in but that was the only thing. I did great at dinner so all in all I am improving. It hurts deep down it hurts and swallow the spraking strawberry water and I feel it go down and I feel odd I cant explain. These last lbs are going to be a struggle but right now I am going to get these 8 lbs I put on off. Then I will work on the next and the next. I am fighting right now am I hungry or not. I can do this it will work just gotta use my brain it is all in there just need to move it in the right direction. This is something i will be praying about! :)

Biggest Loser brings me to tears tonight

Biggest Loser went to Texas tonight and did a 5k with some people from the fattest 5 cities. The contestants were inpirations to those people. I reme,ber when I used to be like that. Now I feel like it has become such a challenge and I have hit a brick wall. I am the only person who can break through the brick wall.

I know what I have to do it is just a matter of me doing it. I know I just need to give it all to God and it will all be ok. I know that I need to give EVERYTHING to Him and it will all be ok. You never really think you can with weightloss but I need to. I have really been struggling. I tell my friends but they really dont understand. Sometimes I found myself crying out for help one day and I just prayed. But I say I am going to do it and I dont. When I find myself eating 2 icecreams bars and not one. I need to pray that my stomach will feel full and not go for that second portion. I dont want to have these feelings with food I am having. This is hard but I can overcome it if I try really hard. I am going to because I just cant take anymore of it.

Michael said tonight he has had a drive to lose weight ever since he lost 34 the first week. Well I lost my drive and I want it back.

Tuesday 10

1. Seeing the people on Biggest Loser going through touble knowing I can make it through.
2. Seeing people on the Biggest Loser meeting milestones.
3. I have been applying for jobs I know God will lead me to the right one.
4. Spending Saturday with my friends!!
5. My sister and the nice things she does for me and what I do for her.
6. The smiths teaching sunday school for a couple of weeks about marriage
7. Jody and Rachel are engaged!!!
8. My mom and all the little things she does for me.
9. Finally applied for graduation
10. I cant wait for saturday to surprise my parents!!

Interesting Story

The phone rings at 8:10 am this morning at work and I thought someone was calling out for the day so I picked it up and answered it. It was not someone calling otherwise I wouldn't have answered the phone because we don't open until 8:30. It turns out to be this customer who needed help placing her book order online. I was like oh no an annoying call bright and early in the morning because orders have to placed online and people don't like to try. But I was friendly like always and met someone who could use someone. I found out in the course of the call that she has MS. She used to teach dance to 300 kids and now she is confined to her house most of the day. She goes to class one day a week and when she gets home she has to be in bed because she is so tired from walking. She counts the steps from her house to her car because it hurts a lot. She is from Minnesota and doesn't have many friends here. She just wanted someone to talk to. She even invited me to lunch but I didn't know what to say. She wanted to find a group of friends and I told her church is the best place to find a group of people but she went on to tell me how she is a liberal ulitarian. I really wasn't talking to her that much she was telling me. It was the most interesting 45 minute call of my morning and I will be praying for her. In the end I did help her with her order and she was very happy!

Tuesday 10

1. Got to spend time with my family at the game on friday.
2. Studied with friends this weekend!
3. I got my cap and gown!
4. The book I am reading at the gym When God writes your life story
5. My new book You ona diet it is teaching me a lot about what food does in your intestines
6. midterms are over
7. I got a job oportunity I am going to be applying for.
8. Making people laugh when they are down.
9. I hurt my knee but i still can exercise
10. I got my annuals from home depot hopefully planting them today